Just so noone who might actually follow this blog thinks I have fallen off the earth, Facebook has not consumed my entire soul. I have also been busy with the planning of the trip to Ireland and the Star Wars game. Just so I can stick a flag in April I decided to post at the last minute.

Enjoy.

1000 things to do before I die Closeout! All of them MUST GO!

Well it’s March and thus completes the circle. One year ago I pledged to blog at least every month for a year and I have.

This completes item #525 on the list and brings up the subject of what I did this month toward my list.

Three days ago, I booked the hotel for our summer vacation. Instead of the anticipated Kentucky Derby, I will instead be

flying to Ireland. (#62)

Although I am ecstatic about completing such a hard to accomplish task, it puts me behind schedule for the year.

I think I’ll suffer.

So many photos and reports of things accomplished when I get back!

And speaking of little green men…my attempt at the second greatest Star Wars campaign ever run began last night to much anticipation and fanfare. John, Keith, Scott, Jerid, Mike, and myself kicked it off and did so quite well.

Any progress in that endeavor can be found at our campaign website:

http://www.obsidianportal.com/campaign/chronicles-of-bodo-tempest-s-hand

I can't take it anymore. Today President Obama signs into law the largest spending package in American History. For what? To rebuild a country after a devastating war? No! More money!
787 Billion dollars. Well I sat down to read the stimulus bill last night. All 1000 pages of it.
I didn't get far before realizing it had hand written changes on it! I think these bozos voted in something they didn't even read!
Well I sat down and wrote a formal protest letter today which just happened to fulfill #232 and #241.
I'll be sending it to the President, Vice President, and every Arkansas Senator and representative.
Not to mention several media outlets.
It's time to speak out America.

February 17, 2009

The President

The White House

Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President:

Abraham Lincoln.

The name is iconic as the flag itself. His presidency and his life define what being an American entails. The rise from humble beginnings to the struggle for his, and everyone else’s, way of life could be a template for what it is to be an American. His decisions still affect the way we govern and the way we approach controversy.

His greatness was immediately recognized as future presidents would attempt to emulate him. Teddy Roosevelt even carried around a lock of his hair in a ring on his finger. Even you, sir, have drawn parallels between him and yourself.

In Lincoln’s Gettysburg address, he addresses America’s new birth of freedom with the statement, “and that government of the people, for the people, and by the people, shall not perish from the earth.”

For the people.

The latest “stimulus package” that you have adroitly sped through congress, no doubt paying back some of your more lucrative supporters, is nowhere near “for the people”.

And what exactly was the hurry? On February 9 you told the citizens of Elkhart, Ind., “If we don't act immediately, our nation will sink into a crisis that, at some point, we may be unable to reverse."

Immediately? Really? Some of the things in this bill are estimated to not even be felt for years. I’m pretty sure your campaign slogan on a few bumper stickers read, “Hope, not fear.” It sure sounds as though we were being ‘scared’ into compliance. So much in fact that either, our congressmen and senators didn’t READ the bill, or they knocked it out at the neck break speed of around 100 pages per day. I’d wager the former.

After the circus that was the “stimulus” bill has now passed and being signed today, you had the gall to call for a “fiscal responsibility summit” when moving on the budget deficit!

Sir, with all due respect, with the passage of the “stimulus” bill, you have amazingly spent well over $34 billion dollars per day since you took the oath of office.

Sir, I know you admire President Lincoln as do most Americans. But might I offer some plebian advice? It is from another famous American that I try to emulate daily.

“Yet, after all, though the problems are new, though the tasks set before us differ from the tasks set before our fathers who founded and preserved this Republic, the spirit in which these tasks must be undertaken and these problems faced, if our duty is to be well done, remains essentially unchanged. We know that self-government is difficult. We know that no people needs such high traits of character as that people which seeks to govern its affairs aright through the freely expressed will of the freemen who compose it. But we have faith that we shall not prove false to the memories of the men of the mighty past. They did their work; they left us the splendid heritage we now enjoy. We in our turn have an assured confidence that we shall be able to leave this heritage unwasted and enlarged to our children and our children's children. To do so we must show, not merely in great crises, but in the everyday affairs of life, the qualities of practical intelligence, of courage, of hardihood, and endurance, and above all the power of devotion to a lofty ideal, which made great the men who founded this Republic in the days of Washington, which made great the men who preserved this Republic in the days of Abraham Lincoln.”

--- President Theodore Roosevelt

From his first Inaugural address

I state all of these concerns after spending hours reading the “stimulus” bill.

Have you?

Sincerely,

Chris Chamberlain, Pharm.D.

Member of the working class of 2009

Not even close to a trillion pounds. Well, maybe close.

The first 100 days…

sets the tone for the whole term (or in my case, the whole year).

We are well into the new year and we’ve finally settled in to 2009 life.

The nation has elected it’s first black president (I didn’t vote for him) and the Steelers

have won their unprecedented sixth Superbowl title.

Obama has shocked the world by spending over a trillion dollars in his first 22 days in office. I have to say, I saw it coming. Hello Depression.

I guess I should be happy, for as a Pharmacist I should be making money hand over fist when everyone starts getting on antidepressants. Oh wait, we’re going to nationalize healthcare and I won’t make a cent.

How much is a trillion dollars? Can we even fathom that?

Well, if you were to make a job being paid 1 dollar per second, at 40 hours a week and 52 weeks per year it would still take you over 31,000 years to make a trillion dollars.

Now let’s look at it from a different angle.

Let’s say it’s the year 1, the beginning of the first millennium. You have a trillion dollars to spend–at the rate of one million dollars a day. At just before three years, you’ve reached a billion dollars. So you keep spending. Now you are in the year 2,000. Would you believe you’d still have 737 years to go before you exhaust your trillion dollar pile.

If you have $1M in the form of a stack of $1000 bills, it reaches about 4.3 inches high.

How high is a stack of $1000 bills enough to make up a TRILLION dollars?

Over 66 MILES high.

One trillion dollars would stretch nearly from the earth to the sun. It would take a military jet flying at the speed of sound, reeling out a roll of dollar bills behind it, 14 years before it reeled out one trillion dollar bills.

Basically if any of these numbnuts in Congress stopped to think about the rate at which they’re burning my money, they’d think twice about asking me for more in the form of taxes. So, in an effort to do my part to stimulate the economy, I’ve decided to work on my list extra hard this year. I’ve pulled out 67 items that I hope to accomplish this year and if I do, I’ll reach the halfway mark to completing my 1000 things to do before I die.

After all, working on my list is all I have left.

22. Michigan

52. Canada

121. Read the Bible cover to cover

141. Go to a Steelers game at Heinz field.

142. Cook a meal good enough to be my last.

146. Visit the Kentucky Derby..and bet on it.(1st Sat in May)

155. Take part in a marathon or half marathon. (try to finish)

179. Get the Fishpaw Hats together for a concert

180. Record a song with the Fishpaw Hats

181. Write a song

222. Write a will

232. Protest something.

233. Trace my family tree

239. See every 'Best Picture' movie

241. Write a letter to the editor

245. Write a fan letter

274. Do 100 push ups in a row

287. Make a fire without matches/lighter

301. Write a letter of thanks for good customer service/product

315. Be a mentor

341. Learn Japanese

349. Learn to play snooker

357. Learn the rules of Craps

367. Join a public service club or organization

371. See all 250 movies from IMDB's list of greatest movies

387. Go to church more than just Sunday morning.

399. Flip the bird at some government official.

405. Plan my own funeral.

431. Send out Christmas cards.

432. Start a family tradition

433. Order the most expensive thing on the menu

439. Learn the sign language alphabet

442. Visit the Rock and roll hall of fame

443. Visit the Football Hall of Fame

445. Buy a Fedora and wear it regularly

450. Pay for someone behind you in a drive thru

484. Eat fried chicken in Kentucky

485. Develop my own hot sauce

498. Ride one of the worlds fastest and tallest rollercoasters

499. Take my kids to Sandusky Ohio

519. Memorize the periodic table.

525. Blog at least once a month for a year

598. Write my wife a love letter every Valentine's day (Feb.14)

613. Learn how to receive a gift

621. Make my own milkshake

638. Get the Midnight Train action figure made

741. Finish a Sunday newspaper crossword puzzle without cheating

746. Run a mile after age 30

751. Watch all the Jackie Chan movies

772. Leave a good book on a bench/bus for someone else to find

801. Eat an entire box of cereal in one day

803. Call a radio talk show on air

844. Memorize friends and family's birthdays

849. Go to the horseraces

866. See Gettysburg

878. Read all of the Lord of the Rings trilogy

895. Learn and be able to identify constellations

898. Read famous historical speeches

918. See Hershey PA

932. Sit under a tree and just relax

956. Raise money for a charity.

960. Learn 80% of the world's capitols

972. Make a book of my famous RPG characters

973. String popcorn for the Christmas tree with my kids.

974. Own 1000 books.

977. Tithe regularly

982. Learn morse code or semiphore but not both

This post was originally posted at another blogsite of mine titled "Wanderlust and other lessen Geasan" which is now closed.

The Geas, or plural Geasan, according to wikipedia is a vow or obligation placed upon a person, usually a hero. Traditionally, the doom of the hero comes about due to their violation of such geasan, either by accident, or by having multiple geasan and then being placed in a position where they have no option but to violate one geas in order to maintain another. In my case, this vow is to visit every continent, every state in the U.S., and every country barring war zones and dictatorships. This blog shall serve as a Hemingway-esque recall of opportunities that allow me to fulfill my own personal geas (to slightly warp Terence Trent D’Arby).

This blog, like my corporeal body, is designed to wander. As my earthly self wanders the globe in search of that which I have not seen before, this blog will wander through the thoughts that are generated by said globetrotting. I hope to show others parts of the world through the written word that they may never see as well as shed alternative light on those places that millions see but never through another’s eyes.

My hopes are that this record of date will serve as a glimpse into the life of a father, and someday, grandfather so that my children and my children’s children will have insight into the thoughts and dreams of their ancestors.

As past travels are harder to recall and require more from me in the way of fact checking and dredging up of memories, I shall begin where most do not, at the present.

Adventure name: Riverboat Zombies: Yanks in the Wire

Length of Adventure: 1 day

Distance from November Base: 78.3 mi – about 1 hour 50 mins

Dawn came early as I had stayed up until midnight playing Super MonkeyBall with half toasted friends. I had also been called out at 2:40a.m. to fill a prescription for the hospital when I was supposed to be off of call. That put me back in bed around 4 a.m. too nervous about waking up at 6 a.m. to think properly or fall back asleep.

So it had been agreed to meet up in town at 7:45a.m. in order that we might be on the road by 8 a.m.

That never happens.

We did, however, hit the open road by 8:30 a.m. and make just one lengthy stop at Big Box Mart.

But I digress.

The whole reason this trip was planned was for my Yankee friend, Nam, to be able to experience the great outdoors Arkansas style. He had driven into town two days earlier to spend a few days visiting on his journey across America. He was well into day 18 when he hit Jonesboro and the oppressive heat. We had already taken him shooting the day before as he had never held a firearm. His journey to ‘American Tough Guy’ status was well on it’s way, hoping to edge closer by his experience on this canoe trip. We were prepared to hone his survival instincts.

So as Jennifer was pregnant and out of town anyways, we opted for the ‘beat toughness into you’ approach by strapping ourselves and some malt beverages into a piece of aluminum and hurling ourselves over rocks.

We headed North and West into the foothills of the Ozark mountains by 9:00 a.m. or so and didn’t stop until we arrived at Many Islands base camp. Here we applied ‘spray-on’ suntan lotion and rented our aluminum coffins. Just in time too, as we barely had time to lock all of our valuables in the truck and load the school bus taking us up river where we would put in.

Our group allowed everyone else to hit the water leaving our group to float down the river in relative solitude. Even though the temperature gauge was topping out at 106 degrees today, we knew the bone chilling water never faltered from 54 degrees F.

Most of us even looked forward to the occasional ‘fall’ into the river.

The first two hours on the river was actually quite tame, almost boring.

It was deathly quiet and the ‘rapids’ during the low water season don’t make you worry a whole heck of a lot. We stopped for dinner on a sandbank which allowed us to enjoy the cold water and relax our arms from the incessant paddling.

A couple of young fellows passed by and insisted on hurling crude language at the women in our group. A threat from us and the waving of a fish gutting knife later, they were on their way…on their way to a date with Karma.

After lunch, we were back on the river thinking we were experts, invulnerable to the effects of gravity on a canoe.

It all went downhill from there…literally.

We successfully navigated a few more small to medium rapids, the instant burst of speed that you get from flying over the faster rapids propelled Nam and I into the wall on a tight turn. The impact forced us sideways and upended our canoe making us the first canoe casualty of the day and ending my boredom.

I wouldn't go as far as saying I almost drowned but the thought does cross your mind as the water rushing into your back never takes a break or respite. Yes, we were the first casualty of the day, but far from the last. Just down the river where a more precarious section of the river lie, Nam and I successfully navigated what was supposed to be the most difficult portion of the river but not before we witnessed Keith going over it backwards.
I think he was as surprised as anyone to still be alive but he didn't have long to celebrate as Lori and Josh plummeted over the minifall only to lose their canoe in the process. We spent the better part of the next half hour trying to right their canoe and collect everything that had once been in it. A couple of hundred feet down the river, the bank of the river became a resting spot so we could watch others fall prey to the lamentable falls.
The young fellows who thought they would yell at our women just happen to be coming along next.
They completely wiped out.
It completely made up for our own mishap. Watching them scramble for all of their belongings and apparently being able to hurl insults is not a prerequisite for swimming.
They looked like drowned rats as they passed by us a second time and we got to hurl our own insults.
The remainder of the trip found us taking different avenues to the end as the river divided and there was more time spent reflecting on the day. I did suffer a gash on my leg trying to right Josh and Lori's canoe but beyond a sunburn that wasn't bad at all, I think I'll live.
We ended the run exhausted and glad to be back on the way home with no 'Deliverance' style memories for our northern friend.
Combined with the day spent shooting every type of firearm known to man, he can truly claim to be a southerner at least in heart.
And he's welcome back any time.
(I'll try to post pictures of the event as soon as I'm home.)

The Wizard of Oz...A modern translation

This version of the L. Frank Baum classic stars Forrest Gump going to a magical place with no power called "Oz". There, he seeks a way to get the power back on before the Superbowl with the help of his mystical magical friends Punxatawny Phil the groundhog, Mulligumper the Shark, and Troy Polamalu.

Where to begin? It’s February and I finally got my power back on. Since last we met, the Steelers have won their unprecedented sixth Superbowl, Punxatawny Phil has seen his shadow indicating another six weeks of winter, and my dad and son have celebrated another birthday. Also, due to the power outage situation and the Superbowl falling on the first, I fell behind in my celebration of “Mark something off my list” day. So I did it yesterday instead.

I chose #294 Learn the rules of Rugby.

At first glance, this may seem like an unusual goal to set for one’s self for a fulfilling life. Which is true. I could probably live the rest of my days without really knowing; however, during a trip to Sydney, Australia in 2000 I spent quite a bit of my down time watching rugby on the “telly”.

I loved American football, so it seemed only natural I like rugby. I did. I found myself a fan of the Cronulla Sharks. I could deduce most of the rules from watching the games every night, but still some of the lingo like “ruck” left me wondering.

So because it was so interesting I made myself a promise to eventually learn the game.

So yesterday, I found a spot on the innerweb to read the rules.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_rugby_league_terms

It turns out a ruck is : RUCK - A ball-winning activity following a tackle and release; a ruck is formed if a player from both teams is in physical contact over the ball.

Australians and Americans both speak English, but when you get into a sporting event it all goes out the window.

I’ll leave it up to the reader to find out what a “mulligrubber” is.

So I decided to make a miniature Australian to English dictionary for the casual visitor.

Barbie = Bar-B-Q

Bob’s Your Uncle = Don’t worry about it

No worries = Don’t worry about it.

Yeh = Don’t worry about it.

Yes folks, Australia is a beautiful place with no worries. The people are friendly and they have great rugby and great wine.

I don’t even like wine but I liked a port I tried there.

If you haven’t been, stop in and tell ‘em Forrest Gump sent ‘cha.

(FYI Ozzies think that the American Southern accent makes everyone sound like the character Forrest Gump. It didn’t help that when I would call home to my wife I would end my conversations with “That’s all I have to say about that Jen-ny.”)

“An unusual by product of being on the bottom of the world, Ozzies have to turn us Northern Hemisphere types upside down in order to see us. Here’s my Ozzy buddy Rob trying to see me.”

Mania and the Mystery Machine of Meditation

Today is January 29, 2009 but you couldn’t prove it by me. Two days ago, the worst ice storm in my own personal history hit Northeast Arkansas over two days. The first day it did nothing but rain continuously for 24 hours with the temperature hovering around 32 degrees (that’s 0 degrees Celsius for all of you foreigners who still haven’t converted). That laid the groundwork for when the temperature dropped that night to around 18 degrees and froze all of that water solid. Not to mention that it kept precipitating snow/sleet for another 15 hours or so. That led to massive power outages across 4 states with my own power giving up the ghost at 11pm on January 27^th. That was two days ago. I haven’t used anything that requires electricity since (except now I’m typing on a computer at work, they got back power today but still no internet.) So I don’t know when this blog will actually get posted.

Anyways, on the subject of mania, the loss of power in this town has turned people into lunatics. Backing up for blocks around gas stations and poring into Wal-Mart like the parking lot was on fire.

Anyways, the family took off for warmer ground down south leaving me in the house to learn how to move through a standard size door looking like a Bantha of blankets and clothes.

It also left a lot of time for reading by candlelight and self reflection. Including meditation.

Which allowed me to work on my list.

#436 Meditate daily.

I’ve always been one for prayer daily. Everyone needs some time to talk to someone about their day and their problems. But this particular list item refers more to clearing my head of the whirlwind of things that usually happen in a day. That and to practice slowing my heartbeat and generally working on making myself feel better.

Well, this lull in 24 hour a day news coverage and media blitz let me get back to my daily meditation. I typically just need about 5-10 minutes and use a breathing technique I learned from a book about Zazen meditation. I dropped my heart rate down in the 40 beats/minute range using it and could’ve gone further, but I don’t really know the long term effects of something like that so I’ll just aim for healthy.

I hope this power outage doesn’t lead to me inadvertently achieving items numbered 775 and 776 though it’s possible. They’re talking like it could be a week or more. Over 2000 power poles down they say.

Hmm. I could really become like a Zen monk or something. Jerid already calls me the Grandmaster of Flowers.

D&D reference. Look it up.

And as for the “mystery machine” reference in the title. I just like Scooby Doo. Who doesn’t?

I’ll update this blog post with pictures once I get my computer working again.