The Wizard of Oz...A modern translation

This version of the L. Frank Baum classic stars Forrest Gump going to a magical place with no power called "Oz". There, he seeks a way to get the power back on before the Superbowl with the help of his mystical magical friends Punxatawny Phil the groundhog, Mulligumper the Shark, and Troy Polamalu.

Where to begin? It’s February and I finally got my power back on. Since last we met, the Steelers have won their unprecedented sixth Superbowl, Punxatawny Phil has seen his shadow indicating another six weeks of winter, and my dad and son have celebrated another birthday. Also, due to the power outage situation and the Superbowl falling on the first, I fell behind in my celebration of “Mark something off my list” day. So I did it yesterday instead.

I chose #294 Learn the rules of Rugby.

At first glance, this may seem like an unusual goal to set for one’s self for a fulfilling life. Which is true. I could probably live the rest of my days without really knowing; however, during a trip to Sydney, Australia in 2000 I spent quite a bit of my down time watching rugby on the “telly”.

I loved American football, so it seemed only natural I like rugby. I did. I found myself a fan of the Cronulla Sharks. I could deduce most of the rules from watching the games every night, but still some of the lingo like “ruck” left me wondering.

So because it was so interesting I made myself a promise to eventually learn the game.

So yesterday, I found a spot on the innerweb to read the rules.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_rugby_league_terms

It turns out a ruck is : RUCK - A ball-winning activity following a tackle and release; a ruck is formed if a player from both teams is in physical contact over the ball.

Australians and Americans both speak English, but when you get into a sporting event it all goes out the window.

I’ll leave it up to the reader to find out what a “mulligrubber” is.

So I decided to make a miniature Australian to English dictionary for the casual visitor.

Barbie = Bar-B-Q

Bob’s Your Uncle = Don’t worry about it

No worries = Don’t worry about it.

Yeh = Don’t worry about it.

Yes folks, Australia is a beautiful place with no worries. The people are friendly and they have great rugby and great wine.

I don’t even like wine but I liked a port I tried there.

If you haven’t been, stop in and tell ‘em Forrest Gump sent ‘cha.

(FYI Ozzies think that the American Southern accent makes everyone sound like the character Forrest Gump. It didn’t help that when I would call home to my wife I would end my conversations with “That’s all I have to say about that Jen-ny.”)

“An unusual by product of being on the bottom of the world, Ozzies have to turn us Northern Hemisphere types upside down in order to see us. Here’s my Ozzy buddy Rob trying to see me.”