Connections II:
or How Henry Bessemer Screwed ASU fans with a French tickler and put me on the CIA watch list.




Now first of all, you’re all probably wondering who this Bessemer fellow is. You may know him as that guy who invented the ‘lead’ pencil, which is really graphite, but I digress. In 1856, he was particularly interested in making cannons out of a high grade steel. You see, he had already invented a new projectile which received good spin from even smooth bore guns (therefore keeping it stable during flight). Unfortunately, the cheap grade steel cannons they were using at the time couldn’t handle the additional pressure that would build up while the projectile was building up spin and speed, and they would blow up. Usually killing some poor schlob. Well you can’t have that…at least more than a couple times, before the government steps in and tells you to knock it off.
He was then the first person (it was thought at the time) to have the idea of getting steel by getting carbon out of cast iron instead of putting carbon INTO low-carbon wrought iron. Many trials and the invention of the steam engine later, he was successful. This, of course, made weapons manufacturing relatively easy and put every nation in the world looking for good iron.
Mr. Bessemer from jolly old England made a mint off of his patent and process of refining steel. Unfortunately for him, it turns out a Mr. Kelly in the United States had thought of this 10 years earlier. (go USA!) He sued and got a bunch of money, but generally, the process is attributed to Bessemer and is still referred to as the Bessemer process. It would also be so big that everyone at the World’s Fair that year would come to see it. I’ll get back to what the World’s Fair has to do with this in a second, but first…
Anyways, this new process put everyone looking for large supplies of iron ore to make big guns with. Enter the Great Lakes. Everywhere along the Lakes were vast amounts of iron ore just waiting to be strip-mined. Places such as Pittsburgh, PA built their whole communities around the manufacturing of good steel. In fact, it went on to become one of the largest businesses in America at the time. US Steel, formed by a group of very wealthy men, (Andrew Carnegie, JP Morgan, and Elbert Gary) maybe you’ve heard of them? Well, maybe not that Gary guy but I think he is who Gary, Indiana is named after. You know, Gary Indiana, ….that song in the Music Man?! But I digress.
US Steel soon became the largest corporation in the world and politicians began trying to break it up with antitrust laws around 1911. (Mark the first Democrat working against the laborer) which ultimately failed. The first President of US Steel, Charles Schwab (maybe you’ve heard of him?), went on to head Bethlehem Steel their major competitor. But I digress.
The Rooney family in Pittsburgh, because of the money generated in the Steel industry, and being post depression era, bought a little football team in 1933 that would become known today as the Pittsburgh Steelers. In 1962, The Pittsburgh Steelers would add the Steel logo to their helmets which was originally designed by the US Steel corporation. They would change ‘Steel’ to ‘Steelers’ and have their winningest season in franchise history. Later on in the ‘70s (1974), Pittsburgh became Superbowl Champions in Superbowl IX. They would go on to eventually win 4 more Championships but perhaps the most important, at least for me, was in 1978 when they defeated the Dallas Cowboys.
Being from Arkansas and not having a professional team, everyone interested in football seemed to follow Dallas at the time…including my Father and Brother. The first of many football games I remember watching was that Championship game in 1978. I remember walking into the living room where my Dad and brother watched the game and I asked, “Who’s playing?” to which they responded ‘Pittsburgh and Dallas’.
After a few moments of watching fascinated, I continued, “Who’s winning?”
“Pittsburgh.” My dad said with a scowl.
“Then that’s who I’m for!” I said. And have been an avid Steeler fan since. But those remarkable black and gold uniforms and the passing of the ball down the field generated more than a love for the Steelers, it generated a love for football. So when I would go to college later in life at Arkansas State University, I would no doubt be interested in the football team. The mascot for A State is the Indians. At the time, our mascot was a caricature of an Indian called Runnin’ Joe. He had been changed from Jumpin’ Joe and later, in 1993, was phased out all together as part of a kinder, gentler ASU. Trying to respect Indians, they switched logos to depict the profile silhouette of an Indian chief…namely, Chief Big Track, a famous Indian chief from these parts. They even held ‘meetings’ and councils with the Cherokee nation and other tribes to ask if they were offending anyone. Now I think that’s ridiculous but okay, I see their point. I mean, I’m about 1/16th Indian but you don’t see me wanting to sue anybody over Runnin’ Joe. Well, now the NCAA has gotten involved and warned every NCAA school in the nation that they must CHANGE their mascots to non-indian related, or they won’t be able to participate in any NCAA tournaments.
F… them.
I especially like how some national body has gone BEYOND the purpose they were originally designed for and now dictate what we should be allowed to say and do. I don’t see any INDIANS complaining. As a matter of fact, they’re all BEHIND the use of the Indians, or Braves as mascots. It depicts them as warriors. Well, like all good P.C. campuses (is that an Indian word? :o ) they’ve all changed. Every one of them. Did anyone try to put up a fight? Nope. I thought that’s what college was about? Nope.
All but Arkansas State. We got rid of that Runnin’ Joe guy, but that wasn’t good enough.
A couple years ago, some dill holes thought we should get a different mascot even if we kept the “Indians” as our name. After all, it was on a crapload of sweaters and coffee mugs. They voted on some STUPID spirit character named Red. TEN THOUSAND FREAKIN’ COLLEGE STUDENTS AND FACULTY, AND THE BEST THEY COME UP WITH IS RED? Aren’t they afraid of offending the color?
Not to mention the damn thing looks like a huge red French tickler. Let’s be honest.
I know ASU will probably cave just like all the rest, but I’d like to say my Alma Mater has gotten my respect for holding out this long, please don’t change.
Now how does the CIA fit in? Okay..remember how we talked about the Worlds Fair?
In 1984, it came to New Orleans, LA. My family liked to vacation as much as the next family and it was relatively close. I was 13. We headed down there one weekend and paid our fare to see the world’s worst World’s Fair. Let me tell you, a 13 year old don’t care one whippity shit about the culture differences of Outer Mongolia and Upper Volta.
We want roller coasters and lazer tag. Well, after walking around for what seemed like hours looking at the pawn shop version of EPCOT center, I spied a crowd forming around the South Korea pavilion. Finally, I thought, some entertainment big enough to draw a crowd. I quickly dashed over to secure a spot in line for my family. Pushing my way through the crowd, I was picked up-by a VERY large man- and thrown out of the crowd. Not to be disparaged, I ELBOWED my way back to the front where ANOTHER man picked me up and threw me out of the crowd. Here’s where I look back to see my entire family staring at me in disbelief. Yelling at them for lolly gagging and causing us to lose our spot, my parents proceeded to tell me I had just elbowed former President Jimmy Carter in the ribs and had been handily dealt with by secret service. Probably only not being shot because I was 13. That’s why I’m probably on the CIA watch list.


Interestingly enough, the NCAA headquarters is in INDIANapolis, INDIANa. I think they should move or shut up.