An Open Letter from America to all Unborn American Children:

Dear Sirs/Madams:

I regret to inform you that the phrase, “Glad I was born in America.” No longer applies to you and your circumstances. We will be revoking your rights to liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and in some cases, life.

To reflect these changes, we have opted to exercise our ‘buy out’ clause on the life of one ‘Captain America’. It has been discovered that he has 1) falsely presented himself as a Captain and 2) not associated with enough known homosexuals. He has also been caught bad mouthing Europeans and other American-impaired individuals.

This move to eliminate an American hero effectively sums up the our new movement towards killing of the American spirit and kow-towing to foreign interests and liberal self-loathing.

Upon being born, you will be issued a communal health card which, you will be happy to know, will get you treated for any disease, anywhere in the United States after meeting a 30,000 dollar deductible and if a core group of really smart 4 year olds decide you need the treatment. The waiting list is relatively short for most serious illnesses and we’re confident that any new organs you may need can be garnered from embryonic stem cells at the cost of nothing to us because the babies were going to die anyways.

Along with your medical card, you will be issued a Spanish/English dictionary which you will need if you apply for any jobs. Of course, the bonus in this situation is that you don’t need a job. Millions of people already have jobs and will support you if you choose not to work with the pre-planned tax hike that will go into effect next year. And, if you vote Democratic now, we will issue you your very own “I hate America and I vote” T-shirt. If you choose not to vote, you will be considered disenfranchised and a vote will be placed for you. All of this is made possible with further tax hikes (only on those making more than 15,000 dollars annually) and make it possible for you to shout profanities while you burn the flag, wipe your ass with the Constitution, and murder someone whose gun was taken from them by our congress.

We hope you enjoy your new lives in America/Hopelessland and don’t forget to apply for Medicaid. Even if you think you might not need it.

Yours Truly,

Apathetic Big Government