George Oscar Bluth II, 3rd level Illusionist/2nd level Bard/35th level thief

Medium sized Humanoid
Hit Dice: 2d8 (hp unlimited)
Initiative: Always first if on Segway, otherwise +2
Saves: Fort +7 , Ref -2, Will (why yes his name is Will) +9
Abilities:
Strength: 12
Intelligence: Debatable
Wisdom: Full of it (I don't perform tricks Michael, tricks are what whores do for money...sometimes cocaine.)
Constituion: 26 (had two fingers chopped off and replaced and knifed in prison)
Dexterity: 28 (only when Final Countdown is playing-otherwise 2)
Charisma: 30
Climate/Terrain: Warm Oceanside
Attacks/Damage: 3 card attacks/round (can throw multiple knives also) /1-2 dmg
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Treasure: Whatever he steals from Michael. (see Aztec Tomb)

George Oscar Bluth (known as G.O.B. has the ability to cause headaches at random.
He can also escape detection/location when in the presence of the Aztec Tomb.
He lies constantly and uses his unusually large Charisma to escape blame.
Very attractive women also seem to fall for his antics.
He can also cause large watercraft to disappear when his spellsong "Final Countdown" is playing.
The only other songs he knows are:
"Everything I do, I do it for you"
and "Ebony and Ivory" though he must have his Franklin focus in order to perform these.
He can also cause confusion and nausea and vomiting if he hums "Hot Cops" and dances.




Gob: It ain't easy being white.
Franklin: It ain't easy being brown.
Gob: All this pressure to be bright.
Franklin: I got children all over town!
Gob: Sometime ... (spoken) hey, where'd the guy go?



C'mon!

Current whereabouts unknown: After the idiots at Fox cancelled the greatest show of all time, (I've made a huge mistake) GOB hasn't been seen since. We miss you GOB Bluth...we miss you.

This is a comic strip from the short lived web comic "What's Your Point?" Unfortunately, it's also taken from my real life experience. This really happened. All except the choking part... although that is what happened in my head. I worked several years in the food service industry (read slave labor) trying just to pay my bills while I went to college. All in all, I found there were several well educated people working alongside me. And I don't know if it was an eliteism that came with working at a fast food place without a grease pit or what...but we thought we were somehow above those that worked in Mc D's or BK's.
Low end of the totem pole or not, I learned a lot about people working at "subweigh". Mainly, that even though I was working all hours of the night for not much more than minimum wage, I was still better than half the idiots that came in after 1am.
That's not excusing some idiots that were hired to work at Subweigh. The following is an actual conversation I had with a "Subway employee" in North Las Vegas. There were two people working that day, only one of which spoke any English...I happened to get the one who didn't.
Me: Hey, I'll take the Pizza Sub on white.
Her: Que?
Me: Pizza Sub...on white bread.
Her: Sees eench or fut long?
Me: Six inch.
Her: Zalad or Zand-weech?
Me: What?
Her: (unintelligible)
Me: I want a six inch Pizza Sub on white bread.
Her: Que?
Me (pointing): PIZZA. I want a PIZZA sub! Pepperoni! Sauce!
Her: Zalad?
Me: NO...sandwich!
Her (staring at coworker working drivethrough): (foreign speak)
Co-worker: He wants a pizza sub.
Me: Did I not just say that?
Her: Wha do you wan on eet?
Me: Lettuce, pickles, mustard..black olives...and jalapenos.
Her: Que?
Me (pointing): jalapenos! Understand jalapenos?!
Her (pointing at olives): (unintelligible)
Me: NO! I mean yes! Those and jalapenos!
Her: Zalad?
At this point, I screamed something unintelligible and wandered out into the street. I couldn't believe I was actually in America. When did it become impossible to order in English at your favorite restaurant?
I have a theory that 95% of the population is put here upon this earth to make my life a living hell. I'm waiting for that theorum to be proven wrong.
Read the headlines...it's possible.

Connections II:
or How Henry Bessemer Screwed ASU fans with a French tickler and put me on the CIA watch list.




Now first of all, you’re all probably wondering who this Bessemer fellow is. You may know him as that guy who invented the ‘lead’ pencil, which is really graphite, but I digress. In 1856, he was particularly interested in making cannons out of a high grade steel. You see, he had already invented a new projectile which received good spin from even smooth bore guns (therefore keeping it stable during flight). Unfortunately, the cheap grade steel cannons they were using at the time couldn’t handle the additional pressure that would build up while the projectile was building up spin and speed, and they would blow up. Usually killing some poor schlob. Well you can’t have that…at least more than a couple times, before the government steps in and tells you to knock it off.
He was then the first person (it was thought at the time) to have the idea of getting steel by getting carbon out of cast iron instead of putting carbon INTO low-carbon wrought iron. Many trials and the invention of the steam engine later, he was successful. This, of course, made weapons manufacturing relatively easy and put every nation in the world looking for good iron.
Mr. Bessemer from jolly old England made a mint off of his patent and process of refining steel. Unfortunately for him, it turns out a Mr. Kelly in the United States had thought of this 10 years earlier. (go USA!) He sued and got a bunch of money, but generally, the process is attributed to Bessemer and is still referred to as the Bessemer process. It would also be so big that everyone at the World’s Fair that year would come to see it. I’ll get back to what the World’s Fair has to do with this in a second, but first…
Anyways, this new process put everyone looking for large supplies of iron ore to make big guns with. Enter the Great Lakes. Everywhere along the Lakes were vast amounts of iron ore just waiting to be strip-mined. Places such as Pittsburgh, PA built their whole communities around the manufacturing of good steel. In fact, it went on to become one of the largest businesses in America at the time. US Steel, formed by a group of very wealthy men, (Andrew Carnegie, JP Morgan, and Elbert Gary) maybe you’ve heard of them? Well, maybe not that Gary guy but I think he is who Gary, Indiana is named after. You know, Gary Indiana, ….that song in the Music Man?! But I digress.
US Steel soon became the largest corporation in the world and politicians began trying to break it up with antitrust laws around 1911. (Mark the first Democrat working against the laborer) which ultimately failed. The first President of US Steel, Charles Schwab (maybe you’ve heard of him?), went on to head Bethlehem Steel their major competitor. But I digress.
The Rooney family in Pittsburgh, because of the money generated in the Steel industry, and being post depression era, bought a little football team in 1933 that would become known today as the Pittsburgh Steelers. In 1962, The Pittsburgh Steelers would add the Steel logo to their helmets which was originally designed by the US Steel corporation. They would change ‘Steel’ to ‘Steelers’ and have their winningest season in franchise history. Later on in the ‘70s (1974), Pittsburgh became Superbowl Champions in Superbowl IX. They would go on to eventually win 4 more Championships but perhaps the most important, at least for me, was in 1978 when they defeated the Dallas Cowboys.
Being from Arkansas and not having a professional team, everyone interested in football seemed to follow Dallas at the time…including my Father and Brother. The first of many football games I remember watching was that Championship game in 1978. I remember walking into the living room where my Dad and brother watched the game and I asked, “Who’s playing?” to which they responded ‘Pittsburgh and Dallas’.
After a few moments of watching fascinated, I continued, “Who’s winning?”
“Pittsburgh.” My dad said with a scowl.
“Then that’s who I’m for!” I said. And have been an avid Steeler fan since. But those remarkable black and gold uniforms and the passing of the ball down the field generated more than a love for the Steelers, it generated a love for football. So when I would go to college later in life at Arkansas State University, I would no doubt be interested in the football team. The mascot for A State is the Indians. At the time, our mascot was a caricature of an Indian called Runnin’ Joe. He had been changed from Jumpin’ Joe and later, in 1993, was phased out all together as part of a kinder, gentler ASU. Trying to respect Indians, they switched logos to depict the profile silhouette of an Indian chief…namely, Chief Big Track, a famous Indian chief from these parts. They even held ‘meetings’ and councils with the Cherokee nation and other tribes to ask if they were offending anyone. Now I think that’s ridiculous but okay, I see their point. I mean, I’m about 1/16th Indian but you don’t see me wanting to sue anybody over Runnin’ Joe. Well, now the NCAA has gotten involved and warned every NCAA school in the nation that they must CHANGE their mascots to non-indian related, or they won’t be able to participate in any NCAA tournaments.
F… them.
I especially like how some national body has gone BEYOND the purpose they were originally designed for and now dictate what we should be allowed to say and do. I don’t see any INDIANS complaining. As a matter of fact, they’re all BEHIND the use of the Indians, or Braves as mascots. It depicts them as warriors. Well, like all good P.C. campuses (is that an Indian word? :o ) they’ve all changed. Every one of them. Did anyone try to put up a fight? Nope. I thought that’s what college was about? Nope.
All but Arkansas State. We got rid of that Runnin’ Joe guy, but that wasn’t good enough.
A couple years ago, some dill holes thought we should get a different mascot even if we kept the “Indians” as our name. After all, it was on a crapload of sweaters and coffee mugs. They voted on some STUPID spirit character named Red. TEN THOUSAND FREAKIN’ COLLEGE STUDENTS AND FACULTY, AND THE BEST THEY COME UP WITH IS RED? Aren’t they afraid of offending the color?
Not to mention the damn thing looks like a huge red French tickler. Let’s be honest.
I know ASU will probably cave just like all the rest, but I’d like to say my Alma Mater has gotten my respect for holding out this long, please don’t change.
Now how does the CIA fit in? Okay..remember how we talked about the Worlds Fair?
In 1984, it came to New Orleans, LA. My family liked to vacation as much as the next family and it was relatively close. I was 13. We headed down there one weekend and paid our fare to see the world’s worst World’s Fair. Let me tell you, a 13 year old don’t care one whippity shit about the culture differences of Outer Mongolia and Upper Volta.
We want roller coasters and lazer tag. Well, after walking around for what seemed like hours looking at the pawn shop version of EPCOT center, I spied a crowd forming around the South Korea pavilion. Finally, I thought, some entertainment big enough to draw a crowd. I quickly dashed over to secure a spot in line for my family. Pushing my way through the crowd, I was picked up-by a VERY large man- and thrown out of the crowd. Not to be disparaged, I ELBOWED my way back to the front where ANOTHER man picked me up and threw me out of the crowd. Here’s where I look back to see my entire family staring at me in disbelief. Yelling at them for lolly gagging and causing us to lose our spot, my parents proceeded to tell me I had just elbowed former President Jimmy Carter in the ribs and had been handily dealt with by secret service. Probably only not being shot because I was 13. That’s why I’m probably on the CIA watch list.


Interestingly enough, the NCAA headquarters is in INDIANapolis, INDIANa. I think they should move or shut up.

Fusion Rock

The latest news from the science front is the start of the ITER project, the International Thermonuclear Experimental Reactor. In a discussion amongst friends the other day at lunch, I discovered that earth shattering news such as this is lost on the general public. It's simply way too complicated. Kinda like trying to wrap your mind around just how much money Bill Gates makes per second.

So, I've taken it upon myself to try and describe the importance of this project and how it's going to work in simpler, more manageable terms. I'll let you be the judge of whether or not I succeed.

I'm going to try to stick to basic Chemistry and/or Science...so bear with me.

What it is: ITER is to be a nuclear reactor that uses fusion instead of fission to produce energy. Fission is what we have now. It is clean energy, but it has many downsides. Think Chernobyl and Three Mile Island. Although the United States no longer has any operating nuclear reactors like those at Chernobyl, the waste product still takes millions of years to decay and is radioactive.

Enter fusion. This is the type of energy the sun produces. It is clean and produces very little radiation which decays almost instantly.

How does it work? This particular reactor will take deuterium (which is hydrogen with an extra neutron) and tritium (Hydrogen with 2 extra neutrons) and put them in a vacuum. Surround them with superconductor (really strong) magnets to keep them from getting away, and add heat at around 1 million degrees Kelvin (1799540.33 ° F). This forces the two particles close enough to together to fuse. When they fuse they release a Helium atom, a neutron, and about 17,600,000 volts of electricity (or approximately 500,000,000 watts). This, if it doesn't mean much, is a crapload. The neutron (which flies past the magnets because it has no charge) enters a chamber of water and Lithium. There, it combines with the Lithium to form more tritium which is more fuel for the reactor. The heat released warms water which would be used to turn a turbine for electricity.

Alpha particles (look in a science book) released from the fusion would heat the plasma in the core to make it even hotter.

I thought fusion was not possible?

Wrong. China has already developed a functioning reactor, but it hasn't generated enough energy to be viable. Part of the problem is that it's so hot, has huge magnetic pressure, and particle fluxes from the hot confined plasma keep most materials from handling the force. Thats part of what ITER is about. To research how they can contain the force to make it a viable energy source.

While I could go into more detail and bore non-scientists, I decided to put it into terms my friend Dr. Mobabwe can understand. I made it into a Schoolhouse rock song.

Sing it to the tune of "Lolly, lolly, lolly, get your adverbs here."

Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Neutrons here

Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, get your neutrons here

Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, got some neutrons here

Come on down to Lolly's get the neutrons here

You're going to need if you fuse or seed a fusion re-actor.

Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your neutrons here

Got a lot of Lolly jolly neutrons here,

Anything you need and we can make it absolutely cleeeaarrr.

A neutron is a particle, (thats all it is, and theres a lot of 'em)

That modifies the plasma (sometimes the plasma, sometimes...

It modifies some lithium

Which makes more tritium

And so you see it's positively

very very necessary.

Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your neutrons here

Father, son and Lolly selling neutrons here

Got a lot of neutrons and we make it clear,

So come to Lolly...(Hello folks. This is Lolly Senior saying

we have every neutron in the book.

So come on in and look.

Hello folks. Lolly junior here. Suppose your

house needs heating. How are you going to

heat it? That's where the neutron comes in.

We can also give you 5 million watts so you

can keep it toasty warm or completely incinerate it!

Hi. Suppose you want to create a sun inside your bathroom.

Your buddy wants to know "How?" and "When?"

Use 1,000,000 degrees Kelvin and show him.)

Get your neutrons.

Superconduct some magnets and it does much more.

Any neutrons lost will melt right through the floor.

12 billion in cash and you can buy it at the store.

Every buck you use!

Use it with a lake, it has a Q of 10.

Flip off OPEC, light the world

Where have you been?

Repair our lovely ozone, no nuke waste

And even more!

How...man..y...years? 20 or 50?

These questions are answered

When you use a neutron.

Come and get it!

Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your neutrons here

quickly quickly quickly get your neutrons here

Slowly surely really find your neutrons here

Youre going to need if you fuse or seed

a fusion re-actor.

Lolly....Lolly....Lolly(If it's a neutron, we have it at Lolly's!

Bring along your old deuterium, water, sewage, gasoline!

We'll fit them out with our He++ attachment

And make perfectly good neutrons out of them!)

Get your neutrons here!

Besides! They're absolutely free!

At your service.

Indubitably!

The Neutron Storm

I began a spy novel over 11 years ago when my son was born. The thought was to write a chapter a year and eventually publish it, marking off 'writing the great American Novel' off of my life todo list.
Well, I've started on it again (im on chapter 8) and have started publishing it at my other blog site "Meandering Musings of a Mental Midget"
Check it out.

Midnight Train,B.S.,Pharm.D., Bushi



Now I've set about writing this article to inform the uninformed about the truth behind the word (oft glamourized) Karate.
Karate, as you know it, is NOT what you think you know.
Please...enjoy.


In late 1921, Funakoshi Gichin was invited by then Prince Hirohito to demonstrate his quaint 'art' of to-te jutsu in Tokyo.
Funakoshi jumped at the chance. At the time, Japan was fascinated with Kobujutsu-Taiiku-Tenrankai (Athletic exhibitions of Ancient Martial Arts) but were moreover stymied because most of these came from China, a country they were not on good terms with.
However, Okinawa had become an independant prefecture back in 1879, seperate from the ruling Satsuma Clan of Japan. This had allowed them to establish trade routes to China, and trade...martial skills.
Well, Funakoshi Sensei travelled to Tokyo and demonstrated. The Japanese went nuts. They had to have more.
Unfortunately, because of the distaste of the Chinese and all things named Chinese, Sensei changed the names of several of the Kata (formalized practices) and had to come up with a name for his style that was a little less foreign.
His teacher, Azato Anko, had referred to it, as many before had...to-te jutsu (literally Chinese hand fighting).
Unacceptable. Initially, Master Funakoshi changed it to Ryukyu Kenpo To-te (The Chinese Art of Chuan Fa from Ryukyu (Okinawa))
When interest grew, pressure increased for a more Japanese name and so in 1935, the ideo grams describing to-te were officially changed to read karate-do (empty hand way) and was used first in Funakoshis new book titled Karate-do Kyohan.
But why did he choose Kara-te do? Not why you may think. Although the literal traslation means "empty hand" the word Kara refers not just to the fist or knifehand thrown in martial arts. In addition, it refers to the state of mind one must procure before learning and practicing martial arts. One must be empty. Zanshin...perfectly aware. Empty of all fear, hatred, anger, and ego. Able to react instead of act. Becoming one with one's body and mind.
Also, to learn, you must first empty your cup of knowledge before it can be filled. Forget what you think you know.
As with all things Oriental, it is a bit esoteric. The ending do in Karate-do means literally 'the way'. A way of learning or path to study Karate. Kind of like adding -ology at the end of all those university courses. Physio-ology, Bio-ology, etc. The style I study is Shorin-ryu karate.
Shorin-ryu itself has been broken into various 'specific styles'.
Originally, in Okinawa, a student would just add -te (hand) to the end of the city in which they studied. Mainly there were three cities where you could do this. Shuri, Tomari, and Naha.
Naha would become the capital of Okinawa and Naha-te would eventually become Goju-ryu. Perhaps most famous for it's founder Chojin Miyagi, whom the character Mr. Miyagi in the Karate Kid was patterned after. Naha was a seaport and Naha-te, as a result, reflects this in their wide stances and powerful leg movements. (As if in water) Also is where the weapons such as the net and short spear and turtle shell shield came from.
Tomari was the smallest of the three cities and Tomari-te would eventually be absorbed into Shuri-te.
Shuri was the city where the famous Shuri castle was and practitioners practiced Shuri-te which would eventually become known to the world as Shorin-ryu.
The three 'sub-styles' of Okinawan karate would practice all the same techniques but each would put their own twist on it. Kind of like how churches split off from each other today.
My style, Shorin-ryu can be further broken down into substyles. All of which can be traced back to one teacher...the incomparable Matsumura Sokon (1797-1889). Often referred to as 'Bushi' Matsumura, he trained specifically 4 individuals that I want to talk about who went on to specialize the style after his death.
Anko Itosu, founder of the Kobayashi Shorin-ryu system. He used only 3 marks to make the character for Sho when writing his style. This word "Shorin" was derived from
the Okinawan pronounciation of the Chinese word for Shaolin. And the character
for it was adapted as such. Shaolin, or Shorin in Japanese, literally means
pine forest. Specifically, the pine forest at which the Shaolin temple in China was
built. The character for Sho written with 3 strokes for the Kobayashi system is more correctly translated as 'yellow pine forest' while the 4 stroke kanji can be translated
more closely to 'small pine forest'. Tomato, tomatoe you may say. They both refer to the same forest in the same country where the same Shaolin studied, but they couldn't be more different. The 4 stroke version was adopted by Chotokyu Kyan, founder of Shobayashi Shorin-ryu, Eizo Shimabuku, founder of Matsubayashi Shorin-ryu, and Nabe Matsumura (Sokon Matsumura's grandson) founder of Matsumura Seito (orthodox) Shorin-ryu. I am a student of the latter.
After many name changes my current style is Okinawan Matsumura Seito Karate and Kobudo Federation.
So you can tell there are literally thousands upon thousands of sub-styles today. (and thats just from Okinawa). Every time some new guys thinks he's a master...bam...new style based on the old. This is why no matter how hard you try you can never learn "all of karate". There are too many variations. Master Funakoshi recommended spending 4 years on each kata. Only after years of study does one realize you are not learning to defeat some enemy, some opponent. Rather, solely to overcome a more ominous enemy: the self. Compared to what lay before or behind the deshi (disciple), nothing compared to what lay within.
So you see, what started out as simply to-te, can no longer be simply referred to as such.
So please, do not insult me by referring to my art as Tae-Kwon-Do, Krotty, or Kung fu.
Each of these other styles have their own rich history of which, I'm sure they are just as proud.
Please ask a martial artist the name of his style...don't tell him...after all, he DOES know 'krotty'.

Vaya Con Dios Baldemar Huerta, Vaya Con Dios.

On October 14 of this year, a great country legend passed on. Known locally as Freddy Fender, Mr. Huerta was a large part of my song listening childhood. Mr. Huerta conjures up images of sitting on the back seat of a seatbelt-less hot vinyl seat, and listening to the sounds of my father’s eight track cassette player wailing the bilingual sounds of Before the Next Teardrop Falls. Between Freddy, the Statler Brothers, and David Allan Coe, I don’t think I really knew what rock and roll was. And that was fine.
The year was somewhere around 1976 and I had all the lyrics memorized. Even if I didn’t understand what they meant.
What Freddy said: Si te quire de verdad Y te da felicidad Te deseo lo mas bueno pa'los dos Pero si te hace llorar A mime puedes hablar Y estare contigo cuando treste estas
What 6 year old Midnight Train heard:
Ni es yetta, nice o ra
Bee des says, for e teesad
Bone es mayo, more less bueno badda bas
Parrot sea mu I say hoo-rah
More less lay, benny sebla
Yes-ter-day Ill be more bueno, Easter time.
Now, I decided years later to punch both of these verses into babelfish and see
What Freddy Fender and myself were really saying:
Freddy according to babelfish:
If you quire really and gives happiness you I wish You but good pálos two But if it makes you cry To MIME you can speak and estare with treste you when these

Not bad…not good…but not bad.
MTrain according to babelfish:
Nor he is yetta, nice or ra Bee DES says, for and teesad Bone is May, dwells less good badda bas Parrot is mu I say hoo-rah More less lay, benny sebla Yes-ter-day Ill be dwells good, Easter Time.

Ye a aahhhhh. Not so good.
I see headlines: Babelfish used at UN....WAR!!!

My father also had the album Wasted Days and Wasted Nights and I remember reading the sleeve while listening to that song. It told the tale of Mr. Huerta picking fruit as a migrant worker when he was young. He spent much of his youth in Arkansas and Louisiana and I felt a kinship.
Ironically, Mr. Huerta’s last name translates as ‘Orchard’ where Im sure he spent much of his youth. He also served in the Marines and has made a lifelong contribution to society.
His life was remarkable.
Vaya Con Dios Mr. Huerta…Vaya Con Dios.

The One with Frank Jr., Sara Evans, Jennifer Aniston, etc....
The Connection.

Remember that show Connections? A documentary series on the BBC back in the 70s and 80s.
It was hosted by that white haired guy in horn rimmed glasses and he spent the whole show starting with something like the canoe and showing how the invention of the canoe led to rocket fuel. He was like the MacGuyver of history. That's called a teleological view of history. Watching this show was like discovering girls grew up to be women. It was awesome. It wasn't, however, a singular American cultural success. It had a good audience and it was brought back to tv for 2 additional series years later; but, like most television that taught you something, it went the way of the Herculoids and Blue Falcon and Dynomutt. Let's face it...successfully speaking, it was no Friends.
Back in October of 1996 most Americans were watching Friends. I, on the other hand, was married, going to Pharmacy school, working a job 40 hours a week, studying about that much, and helping to raise a 1 year old son. I don't ever remember watching Friends that year.
Since then, I own the entire dvd collection and have watched them all at least twice.
I mean, who doesn't love Friends? A group of attractive, sexually charged people my age who lived in a quarter million dollar apartment in NYC on a masseuse's salary and an oft unemployed personal shopper. (Later an up and coming chef and a personal shopper, but I digress)
In one episode that aired that month, misleadingly called The One with Frank Jr., Ross makes a list of five celebrities he's allowed to cheat on Rachel with should he ever run into them.
His list is full of women apparently 'hot' at the time such as Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth Hurley, Michelle Pfeifer, and (for comedy effect) Dorothy Hamil. I, personally, think with as much time as he put into the list, he couldve come up with some 'hotter' women. I mean, okay, maybe Winona Ryder, and definitely Elizabeth Hurley, but the rest? Watching this episode later with my wife (who loves tv in a similar, but often starkly different, manner as myself) we both decided to come up with our own lists.
It took me all of 5 seconds.
Fortunately, she knows men are pigs and that I would never actually follow up on that list, but then again, these conversations reflect our complete infatuation with famous people.
To make a long story short, we shared lists and many nods and shocked looks followed.
My list was as follows: 1) Faith Hill (obviously) 2)Sara Evans (country music superstar) 3)Kate Beckinsale 4) Denise Richards and 5) Karen McDougal (playboy pmoy 1998)
Denise Richards and Karen McDougal (once I explained who she was) were immediately discarded due to the wife's veto power which she quickly and cleanly invoked.
My wife took this as a victory for womankind while I secretly celebrated getting my wife to talk about other women as hot or not.
Anyways....of the three allowed women (Denise and Karen were replaced with Jennifer Aniston (ironically on Friends) and a yet to announced at a later date...possibly one of those Deal or No Deal girls...or the Doritos girl...but I digress) two of them were married (Faith and Sara) and Kate was engaged (now married) so they were pretty much only ON the list if they ever became single. i.e. not a worry to my wife.
Well.
Faith is the embodiment of the perfect women (hence her appearance on The Stepford Wives) and Tim McGraw would have to be an idiot...nay, a dead idiot to do anything to jeopardize that.
And, until recently, I thought that of the other two. Until now. Today the headlines read that Country music Superstar Sara Evans has filed for divorce from her
husband. I took approximately two seconds to feel sorrow for her
situation...after all, I have been through divorce...and then I told my
wife. She's single honey...she's single. She claims irreconcilable
differences...oh, and adultery and porn addiction.
What a maroon. I don't know whether to believe it or not. After all,
his defense is she's lying and 'not herself'. Well, maybe. I mean, she
has to be lying. Who would cheat on somebody on my list?
Either way Im bound to be disappointed. I could never cheat on my
wife, even with her make believe permission.
For it takes more than an all american smile, a body that won't quit, or
success, fame and fortune to make a relationship.
It takes a being Friends, and having a Connection. Just like that
show by that British guy in horn rimmed glasses.

See how I did that? Just like Connections.


But then again...it's not called a 'relationship list' is it?
Today's lesson was brought to you by the number pi and the word 'teleological'.

What's Your Point?

Borrowed from another Pharmacists blog:



For those of you who in work in retail pharmacy, a typical workday account... For those of you who wonder why the pharmacist always looks so annoyed, the answer.... Only those of us who worked in a pharmacy can truly appreciate this........ Why your Pharmacist hates you so much.... WARNING: This post may be painful for those in the profession to read. For over a year and a half now, the first thing anyone visiting my little blog garden has seen under the headline at the top of the page is the promise that the question of "why does my prescription take so damn long to fill" will be answered. Tonight I looked over this blogs archives and realized it was a promise not kept. While many topics have been covered here, and you have been provided with ample evidence of how drugstore workday life does indeed warp the mind, the question of why it took 2 hours for you to get 20 Vicodin has remained unanswered. I can't help but to think there may be someone out there who has been logging on every day for the last 18 months hoping in vain for this mystery to be solved. Should such a person exist, I offer my humble apologies. To everyone else, I offer the following prescription scenario: You come to the counter. I am on the phone with a drunk dude who wants the phone number to the grocery s tore next door. After I instruct him on the virtues of 411, you tell me your doctor was to phone in your prescription to me Your doctor hasn't, and you're unwilling to wait until he does Being in a generous mood, I call your doctors office and am put on hold for 5 minutes, then informed that your prescription was phoned in to my competitor on the other side of town. Phoning the competitor, I am immediately put on hold for 5 minutes before speaking to a clerk, who puts me back on hold to wait for the pharmacist. Your prescription is then transferred to me, and now I have to get the 2 phone calls that have been put on hold while this was being done. Now I return to the counter to ask if we've ever filled prescriptions for you before. For some reason, you think that "for you" means "for your cousin" and you answer my question with a "yes", whereupon I go the computer and see you are not on file. The phone rings. You have left to do something very important, such as browse through the monster truck magazines, and do not hear the three PA announcements requesting that you return to the pharmacy. You return eventually, expecting to pick up the finished prescription..... The phone rings. .......only to find out that I need to ask your address, phone number, date of birth, if you have any allergies and insurance coverage. You tell me you're allergic to codeine. Since the prescription is for Vicodin I ask you what exactly codeine did to you when you took it. You say it made your stomach hurt and I roll my eyes and write down "no known allergies" You tell me...... The phone rings. ......you have insurance and spend the next 5 minutes looking for your card. You give up and expect me to be able to file your claim anyway. I call my competitor and am immediately put on hold. Upon reaching a human, I ask them what insurance they have on file for you. I get the information and file your claim, which is rejected because you changed jobs 6 months ago. An asshole barges his way to the counter to ask where the bread is. The phone rings. I inform you that the insurance the other pharmacy has on file for you isn't working. You produce a card in under 10 seconds that you seemed to be unable to find before. What you were really doing was hoping your old insurance would still work because it had a lower copay. Your new card prominently displays the logo of Nebraska Blue Cross, and although Nebraska Blue cross does in fact handle millions of prescription claims every day, for the group you belong to, the claim should go to a company called Caremark, whose logo is nowhere on the card. The phone rings. A lady comes to the counter wanting to know why the cherry flavored antacid works better than the lemon cream flavored antacid. What probably happened is that she had a milder case of heartburn when she took the cherry flavored brand, as they both use the exact same ingredient in the same strength. She will not be satisfied though until I confirm her belief that the cherry flavored brand is the superior product. I file your claim with Caremark, who rejects it because you had a 30 day supply of Vicodin filled 15 days ago at another pharmacy. You swear to me on your mother's'.... The phone rings. ........life that you did not have a Vicodin prescription filled recently. I call Caremark and am immediately placed on hold. The most beautiful woman on the planet walks buy and notices not a thing. She has never talked to a pharmacist and never will. Upon reaching a human at Caremark, I am informed that the Vicodin prescription was indeed filled at another of my competitors. When I tell you this, you say you got hydrocodone there, not Vicodin. Another little part of me dies. The phone rings. It turns out that a few days after your doctor wrote your last prescription, he told you to take it more frequently, meaning that what Caremark thought was a 30-day supply is indeed a 15 day supply with the new instructions. I call your doctor's office to confirm this and am immediately placed on hold. I call Caremark to get an override and am immediately placed on hold. My laser printer has a paper jam. It's time for my tech to go to lunch. Caremark issues the override and your claim goes though. Your insurance saves you 85 cents off the regular price of the prescription. The phone rings. At the cash register you sign.... The phone rings. .......the acknowledgement that you received a copy of my HIPPA policy and that I offered the required OBRA counseling for new prescriptions. You remark that you're glad that your last pharmacist told you you shouldn't take over the counter Tylenol along with the Vicodin, and that the acetaminophen you're taking instead seems to be working pretty well. I break the news to you that Tylenol is simply a brand name for acetaminophen and you don't believe me. You fumble around for 2 minutes looking for your checkbook and spend another 2 minutes making out a check for four dollars and sixty seven cents. You ask why the tablets look different than those you got at the other pharmacy. I explain that they are from a different manufacturer. Tomorrow you'll be back to tell me they don't work as well. Now imagine this wasn't you at all, but the person who dropped off their prescription three people ahead of you, and you'll start to have an idea why.....your prescription takes so damn long to fill. A year and a half late, but a promise kept. I feel better about myself already.